


feels like letting go (don't let me go)

by lostwritings



Series: all i know at the end of the day [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-16
Updated: 2016-11-16
Packaged: 2018-08-31 10:51:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8575480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostwritings/pseuds/lostwritings
Summary: My take on what happens post-2x06.





	

It takes a little while before everything goes back to normal after the kiss, after the rejection. Or, goes back to how normal it can be after something like that happens. 

Alex was hurt, and she was grateful that Maggie gave her the space she needed. She dove into work, spending more hours at the DEO than she had in a while, either working or sparring with Kara. On the weekends, she and Kara watched movies and ate pints of ice cream and takeout. Kara was there to hold her when the night became too much to bare and she fell apart in the darkness. 

After a few weeks without any calls, texts or communication in any way, a case forced them to work together. It took a couple of days to solve, and when they did, Maggie bought Alex a beer at the bar. They chatted for a little, but mostly just sat there in silence. It wasn’t as uncomfortable as Alex thought it would be.

But it sure was painful as hell. 

—————

They met up sometimes after work, mostly on Wednesday when they both ended early. It wasn’t the same, but it was okay, Alex told herself. They played pool, drank beer and talked about their current cases and whatever came natural. 

The pain became more bearable after a while. It had been a month since the incident, and Alex was just glad that she still had her friend. And when a girl that recently had started to come to the bar came over and flirted with Maggie, in front of her, she told herself that it was fine.

—————

Alex went to clubs sometimes. She would sit at the bar, until she made eye contact with an attractive woman, and then she would order a shot, down it, before going over. She would flirt with her, buy her a drink or two, and then they’d end up either on the dance floor or in the bathroom, kissing or making out.

She liked how soft girls were. She liked their curves, the way they smelled, how long eyelashes they had. Girls were so beautiful, and every time she kissed one, she felt more alive.

She pushed away the thoughts that told her that it didn’t feel nearly as right as it did when she had kissed Maggie though.

—————

Eliza came to town on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. They were in Kara’s apartment, and Alex sat down with her mom and Kara on the couch, holding her sisters hand in a tight grip. 

She had gone over a hundred different scenarios on how she would do this. But now that the moment has come, and her mom was looking at her with raised eyebrows expectingly, she didn’t know which scenario to pick.

Instead she went with one she hadn’t even considered, and bursted out with “Mom, I like girls.” 

Eliza blinked a few times, processing, before smiling. “I know.” She said.

“You know?”

“You’re my daughter, Alex. Of course I know.”

Alex’s eyes started watering, and Kara squeezed her hand. “And you’re.. You’re okay with it?”

Eliza put her hand on her shoulder. “As long as you’re happy and safe, I don’t care who you date.”

Alex sobbed then, releasing Kara’s hand and throwing her arms around her mother’s neck. The older woman wrapped her arms around her daughter’s waist, tightening her grip. She met Kara’s eyes above her daughter’s shoulders, and they smiled warmly at each other.

—————

The next day, Alex went to the bar for a small beer just to keep their arrangement going. They set up the pool table, and placed small bets. Alex won, and she was way past thinking that Maggie could always be letting her win. That woman was too competitive to do that.  
“You keep setting yourself up, Sawyer,” Alex said with a smirk, and counted the bills she got.

“I gotta win one of these days,” Maggie said, and Alex huffed, taking the last swig of the bottle. 

“I seriously doubt that.” 

Maggie smiled at her in the way that is all so Maggie, tilting her head slightly at her. “You gonna buy me another beer with that or no?” 

“I actually have to go back to Kara’s,” Alex said apologetically, “Our mom’s here, and I’ve already left them alone too long.” 

“Oh shit, that’s right, it’s Thanksgiving tomorrow.” 

“You don’t have any plans?” Alex asked while putting on her jacket. 

“No, I’m not close with my parents and I don’t exactly have that many friends. Everyone is spending time with their own families anyway,” Maggie said with a shrug. 

“Why don’t you come to Kara’s tomorrow?” Alex suggested. 

“No, it’s fine, really. I don’t want to intrude on family time.” 

“You’re not intruding. Winn and J’onn from the DEO will be there, James from Catco will be there, and a guy named Mike as well,” Alex said. “We always make too much food anyway, the more the merrier.” 

Maggie studied her for a bit. “You sure?” 

“Of course,” Alex smiled, and Maggie smiled back at her. 

“Okay,” she said, “I’ll see you tomorrow. Text me the address and time?” 

“Yeah. See you.” 

Alex walked out of the bar, her heart in her stomach. 

—————

J’onn were the first to arrive, then James, and then Winn and Mike together. They were all sitting in the living room, drinking wine together and watching the Thanksgiving parade rerun on TV, while Eliza and Kara were cooking. Alex sat by the breakfast bar, wine glass in front of her, and glancing at the clock every three seconds. When Eliza had poured her the glass, she had given her a stern look and quietly said “I don’t want you to do like last year.” So she only took small sips every now and then, and she hadn’t even drank half the glass when there was a knock on the door, signalling the last person’s arrival.

Alex stood up to open the door, but before she did, she turned around and set her eyes at Kara, who was looking at her. “You behave,” she said, and Kara nodded, before turning back to the potatoes. Alex met her mother’s questioning gaze, and she just shook her head slightly at the older woman. 

Alex turned back around, and took a deep breath before opening the door. “Hello Sawyer,” she said. She quickly took in Maggie's outfit. She was wearing a white dress shirt, tucked into black skinny jeans, and black oxford shoes. 

“Danvers,” Maggie said with a smile, and then held up the wine bottle she had in her hands. “Happy Thanksgiving. You still know how to dress up nicely, I see.” She nodded to Alex's outfit. She was wearing a brown beige cable knitted sweater, black skinny jeans, and black high heels.  
“Thank you, so do you” Alex smiled, accepted the bottle and stepped away from the door. “Come in.” 

Maggie walked inside, quickly looking around the place, until a woman she presumed to be the Danvers sisters mother stepped in front of her. 

“You must be Maggie,” the woman said, and held out her hand.

“That’s me,” Maggie said, and shook the woman’s hand. “And you must be Eliza.” 

They made small talk for a couple of minutes, before Kara called for Eliza that one of the dishes were finished, and she had to return to the cooking. Maggie said hello to the men in the living room, and went to sit down next to Alex at the breakfast bar. The taller woman pushed a glass of red wine towards her, and Maggie thanked her before taking a sip. 

They made small talk while watching Kara and Eliza cook. Twenty minutes later, the dinner was ready, and they all got seated around the dining table. Alex sat down in the middle, with Maggie on her right and Winn at her left. Across from her sat Eliza, with J’onn and James at either side, and Kara and Mike took the seats at the ends of the table, Kara between J’onn and Maggie, and Mike between Winn and James. 

“I thought we could try what we attempted last year,” Kara started with a small smile, “We should all say what we’re thankful for this past year, before we start eating.” When they all agreed, Kara cleared her throat. “I’ll go first! I’m grateful for everything that has happened this year. Even though it’s been tough, I think it’s only made all our relationships stronger.” She looked at Maggie when she was done, signalling to her that she should go next.

“I’m grateful for you all letting me crash your dinner,” she said and smiled a bit, “if you hadn’t, I’d probably be eating pizza leftovers right now and playing Call of Duty or something. So, thank you.” 

“I’m grateful for friends and family supporting me and helping me realise who I am,” Alex started, “It’s meant a lot to me that you’ve been here the past few months.” She looked at Kara and smiled at her teary eyed sister, and smiled at her mother’s kind eyes, and lastly she smiled at Maggie, who was looking at her with her head tilted and eyes shining. Alex looked away when Winn started talking, spending the rest of the round actively avoiding looking at Maggie again.

—————

It was around 11pm when Mike and Winn decided to leave, Mike nearly having to carry Winn out from the shorter man having eaten nonstop for hours. J’onn left next, and then James. Maggie finished her glass of wine before standing up from the couch, stretching her hands above her head.

“I better get going too,” she said, and Alex stood up as well, following her to the door. Eliza and Kara followed them, Eliza giving Maggie a quick hug once she had gotten her jacket on. “Thank you so much for having me, Eliza,” she said with a smile. 

“The pleasure was all mine,” the older woman said, and smiled, before stepping back. Maggie looked at Kara, who just gave her a firm nod, and she gave her a timid smile back. She understood that she couldn’t be the blonde’s favourite person. She looked to Alex then, instead, and she raised her eyebrows questioningly. Alex pulled her into a hug then, and the heels she wore made her a couple of more inches taller than Maggie. The shorter woman rested her head on her shoulder, and a lump formed in her throat when she realised that Alex hugged like it would be the last time. She hugged like she was letting go. Maggie tightened her grip a little, before stepping back. 

“I’ll see you later, Alex,” she said, and gave Eliza and Kara a small smile, before walking out the door. 

—————

Alex closed the door behind Maggie, and leaned against it for a few seconds, taking a deep breath. She stood up again, and between her mother’s confused eyes and Kara’s concerned ones, she didn’t know where to look.

“I’ll stay here tonight,” she said, her voice coming out weaker than she could handle. She looked over all the dirty dishes and half empty wine glasses. “I’ll help you do the dishes tomorrow.” 

She undressed in the bedroom, and laid down in Kara’s bed. For a while, all she could hear was her sister and her mother whispering while placing the dishes in the dishwasher. Then, the lights were turned off, and she could hear Eliza getting settled on the couch, and Kara came and joined her in the bed. 

They laid on each their side, they didn’t say a word, and Alex fell asleep with her sister’s hand in her own. Kara understood. 

—————

Two weeks after Thanksgiving, Maggie beat her at pool. Alex had been distracted and ended up shooting the 8-ball into a pocket. The other woman cheered, and quickly counted up the money.

“Let’s be real, that’s the only way you could’ve won, any game, at all,” Alex said, feigning annoyance. 

“Pfft, shut it, you lost fair and square,” Maggie said, hanging up their cue sticks. “I’ll buy you a beer to celebrate your loss.” 

“Deal.” 

She sat down at their booth, watching Maggie go up to the bar and getting them two bottles. She wondered if the pain in her chest would ever get better, or if she was permanently stuck with a constant ache while she was around Maggie. 

When Maggie came back to their booth, Alex got up. “I got to go, actually. I’m sorry.” 

She grabbed her jacket and walked out into the alleyway, shrugging her coat on. She had made it halfway to her bike when she heard steps jogging behind her.

“Danvers, hang on!” 

She froze mid-step, and turned around, facing Maggie. 

“What is going on with you? I thought we were cool?” Maggie asked, and Alex could hear her annoyance, despite her trying to hide it.

“It’s-“ Alex took a deep breath. “I don’t know how to be okay with this. With us. With you. I’m in constant pain whenever I’m around you, and I try to tell myself that it’s fine, it’s good enough to just be your friend - but it’s not.” 

“Alex-“ 

“Did you know I spent the entirety of two weeks crying? After I - after I kissed you?” Alex asked. “I finally felt what it’s supposed to feel like. And I understand why you rejected me, but I was still so mad. And I’ve been to clubs, I’ve gone to other bars, and I’ve bought drinks for other girls, I’ve flirted with them, and I’ve kissed them. And it has been amazing, it finally feels right.  
“But no matter how many girls I’ve kissed, no one has compared to you. To the way it felt when I kissed you, how it’s felt those times we’ve hugged, how warm and fuzzy you make me feel just by looking at me with your eyes sparkling like you do.” Alex paused for a second, trying to gather her thoughts. “I’ve tried to settle for being just your friend, but I’m not able to settle any longer. It hurts too much. So, sorry Maggie, but we’re not cool.”

Maggie opened her mouth, and closed it again. Alex turned on her heels, and was only a stride away from her motorcycle when her name was called again.

“Alex, don’t go,” Maggie called after her, and it all felt like deja-vu. Alex put on her helmet, and roared the engine to life, quickly driving away.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for any grammar mistakes. English is not my native language, and this isn't beta'd. Please let me know if you find any serious ones. Hope you all have a good day! :) xx


End file.
